


Shot at the Night

by callanleigh



Category: British Actor RPF, Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-23
Updated: 2013-12-23
Packaged: 2018-01-05 18:52:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1097434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/callanleigh/pseuds/callanleigh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tom is ready to go public, but I might not be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shot at the Night

The pressure of tonight now has me in its suffocating grip. All morning as we lounged in bed, ate breakfast and watched Back to the Future for the thousandth time, I tried not to think about the evening and concentrate on each quiet moment. Tom’s enthusiasm about me tagging along was great motivation at first, but as the time to get ready draws closer, my tough resolve grows weaker. He’s been so strong in helping me find bravery amongst my everyday fears; this is a huge step backwards. I’m disappointed in myself, but dread his disappointment more.

This month went by too fast. Although I shut myself off from social media in an effort to prepare myself for our first appearance together it’s now zero hour and I’m not ready. Proud of the anonymity I’ve held onto for the duration of our eleven month relationship, I haven’t been interested in stepping out since the public life is his, not mine. He was wonderfully patient of my apprehension until about a month ago. He asked what night I wanted to see Coriolanus and I requested night two, but he suggested instead that I come on press night since it would be two birds with one stone. 

_“It’s been almost a year; I have no intention of ending us anytime soon, do you?” I shake my head._

_“Duh.” He smirks at me._

_“Then I fail to see the problem.”_

Instead of arguing about this topic again, reluctantly, I agreed seeing his patience wore thin. Try as I might to focus and remain calm, my brain won’t stop reminding me tonight has all the potential to change my life.

Emerging from the bathroom camera ready, he sighs at me still sitting on the edge of the bed in my sweatpants. He’s devastating, every inch perfect and not a wrinkle on his suit, it’s giving me heart pangs as I watch him meander to the closet. Annoyed with me and his cufflinks, he calls, “Darling why aren’t you ready? You’re going to make me late.” 

To avoid further scolding I head into the bathroom, shutting the door behind me. My dress was hanging there when it closed, still in it’s plastic home. Tom was so excited I agreed to go, he bought me this dress. He was patient and helpful as I spent hours trying things on when this dress made his jaw drop. It’s a rusty-red, scoop neck lace dress with a cream lining, three-quarter length sleeves and a cinched bodice. “You look incredible, sweetheart.” I close my eyes and shake his voice from my head, already guilty over my sudden lack of interest in wearing the expensive garment. I lean against the marble counter to look closer at my weary eyed reflection, trying so hard to concentrate on the good, but I’m struggling to keep focused. 

Against my will, hot tears well up my eyes. Shit. As I sit on the edge of the bathtub, the door opens, so I hide in my sleeves, tears soaking into the fabric. Tom sighs with annoyance, I can tell he’s about to lose his temper. “Why are you still not dressed?” I shake my head, if I speak, he’ll know I’m crying. “What?” His eyes on me, my leg starts to shake from pent up nerves. 

Sobbing, his footsteps come closer. “Darling?” His tone softens, and he sits beside me, placing his large hand on my back. “Hey, what’s the matter?” He rubs gently as I gather myself enough to make eye contact. “Sweetheart, please talk to me.” 

Meeting his worried gaze, I clear my throat. “I’m not ready to do this,” I reply, shaking my head again. Upset by this news, his removes his hand from me. “Shit, Tom, I’m sorry. I want to make you happy, I know how hard this secrecy has been but I’m still not ready.” Frowning, he places a steady hand on my bouncing knee, forcing me to stop the nervous tick.

Clenching his jaw, he moves away from me and back towards the door. “I knew you were going to do this.” The statement makes me feel worse, my stomach twisting as I squeeze my eyes shut in frustration. 

A few fat crocodile tears seep out, stinging my tired eyes as I swipe at them. “I’m sorry.” I look up and see him again in his suit and tie, watching me cry with unsympathetic eyes and I realize that now I’m even further from being ready then before. With one more upset glance, he leaves the bathroom and I expect him to leave me miserable and alone all night, but he’s back a moment later; now without his suit coat.

He leans against the counter opposite me, crossing his arms in defense. He’s waiting for me to speak but I can’t pin down just one thought. I peek over at the dress and hear him tisk. “What are you afraid of?” His stare is too stern, so I look back at the dress with a shrug, pulling my sleeves into my fists. I was used to this question and Tom had to be used to this answer by now, “I don’t really know where to begin.” 

He sighs, his jaw clenching again in frustration. “That’s a cop out! Just tell me anything to help me understand why you’re still sitting here.” 

“You’re just going to tell me I sound like a broken record.”

“Then maybe it’s time you swallow your pride and get dressed.”

“Tom, that’s not fair.”

“Why not? This is a meager event compared to some of the things you’ve been brave enough to try this year. Once you’re on the other side you’ll wonder why you made such a big fuss.”

“This isn’t meager, this is completely different. Tonight could change my life, you have to understand that.”

“How could I not understand? I know just as well as you how it goes when your life does a one-eighty. You’re just making a shitty excuse to bail.”

“I’m not trying to make excuses! You know I’ve lived your life already! My teenage years are just a blur of flashbulbs, screaming fans and tour buses. I can recall a few specific memories but everything else is just wasted time. I don’t want to ever miss a moment with you because I’m too anxious and paranoid to enjoy myself.” Tom shook his head, still refusing to see my way.

“And you know better than anyone that there are ways to opt-out of all that negativity. If you don’t let it bother you, It won’t. You’ll be with me and you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. You can skip the press and the questions; I just want you to be there.” 

“I know you do but your life is not my life. I’ve worked so hard to remove myself from your lifestyle, it freaks me out to think of going back there. I hate faking it to talk to fake people. I just don’t have it in me anymore; I don’t know what to say.” He grimaces, offend by my explanation. 

“You think I’m fake? I’m the constant actor, have I never been real to you?” I shake my head, I’m not trying to attack him. 

“That’s not what I meant. You know I don’t ever mean these things about you. You’re a rare sincerity in a sea full of fakery. I honestly don’t know how you do it.”

“Do what? Do you honestly think that everyone I know is a vapid, shallow, self-centered person? The only way they can interact with me or anyone else is by playing pretend?” 

“No!” Now I’m frustrated and beginning to sweat. “Why can’t you just accept that I don’t want to do this tonight?”

“Because we’ve been planning this for weeks and I bought you an amazing dress,” He pointed to it for emphasis, “and you just insulted my friends and lifestyle, so-“

Groaning, I tug at my scalp. “Look, I didn’t mean to insult anybody. I just mean that you are so genuine and sincere that it surprises me that you can tolerate so much pointless bullshit day in and day out.”

His eyes narrow at me, “It’s not pointless bullshit to me!” His raised tone puts me on my toes, I do not want a fight right now. 

“Please stop getting upset, you asked me to tell you what was wrong and this is it. I don’t want to deal with the people and I’m not ready to be put on anyone’s radar, I’ve worked too hard to create my own life.” 

We lock eyes as he snaps, his face flushing, “Oi! You know what then, you’re with the wrong man.” I blink and my eyes fall passively to his feet as all the air leaves my lungs. Struggling to find my breath and the right words to say, I have to stop this from spiraling out of control.

“Tom, stop, please. I just need more time. Your fans will get older, things will calm down. Now just isn’t the right time.”

Incredulous, he slams a hand on the counter, “My fans? Yes, they’re passionate but they aren’t going to hurt you! All of your fears about this night are totally irrational!”

“You’re joking, right? Tom, I pay attention, I know what’s going on! This isn’t something I made up in my head. Women who are friends of yours have had to alter their lives because they were seen sitting too close to you.” He clenches his jaw again, looking away from me as I stare at him. All I want him to say is that he’s sympathetic, but he was chewing on his cheek, his lips pursed in thought when he threw his hands up. 

“You know what? I can’t do this with you right now. I have too much else on my fucking plate tonight besides your ridiculous problems.” Like a slap in the face, I stare in awe as he leaves the bathroom. I placed my head in my hands again, his harsh words on repeat. Although, my fears were numerous, were they in my head? Did it really matter more to me what total strangers thought over making sure Tom and I were happy? Shit! 

I stood from the bathtub and striped off my sweats in a hurry. I’m acting selfish, this night isn’t about me at all. It isn’t about the public life I escaped in my twenties, this isn’t about my fears over what his fans and critics might think of me. This is about Tom and celebrating the fruits of all his hard work.

Pulling my hair back into a half-up ponytail, I admire the outfit Tom was so excited about me wearing. I matched the dress with grey tights and black mary-janes, the shoes providing me with the added bonus of three inches of height. Tonight I’ll be level with Tom’s shoulders; still hilariously short. After an express application of my make-up, I run down the steps to the living room, calling, “Tom?” I hope he hasn’t left yet. 

“Back here,” he calls from the study behind the kitchen. I peer around the corner to see him sitting at his laptop, the screen casting a glow on his face. He looks at me stoic, waiting again for me to say something first. With a sweet smile, I hope to calm him as I step into his full view. 

His face softens as he smiles and shakes his head. “Does this mean you’ve changed your mind?”

“Yes. I’m sorry I was being so selfish. I just get overwhelmed when I think about you on this global scale because I just don’t know you like that.” He stands and walks to me, taking my hands in his.

“And for that I am grateful,” he smiles, placing my arms around his shoulders as he grips my waist. “You look gorgeous, darling, and taller.” He leans down and brushes his lips against mine, before pulling back. “I’m sorry I got so cross with you,” he whispers.   
Shaking my head, I reply, “I deserved it. I realize this night is important to you because you’ve been working so hard and I lost sight of that getting so wrapped up in my own head. I want you to know that I support you, it was shitty of me to expect you’d just be okay with me backing out.”

“That means so much to me, thank you. I really shouldn’t have pressured you into this but I hate not being able to tell everyone how proud I am to have you in my life.” He lifts his hands to my face, his thumbs rub across my jaw, his eyes searching mine for all the apprehension I held in them earlier but I was stead fast in my resolve. With a soft smile he leans down to meet me once more, a new passion in our breath. His lips were conveying all the loving adjectives his mouth couldn’t say while being occupied with mine. His hands slid down my hips and over the curve of my ass, pressing me closer as our kiss became rough and urgent.

A car horn interrupts us, indicating our ride was here. He presses me away as I catch my breath, but he keeps me locked into his eyes. “We’ll finish this later.” I smile, slipping my hand into his as he opens the front door for me. “No more worrying.”


End file.
